President's Day: Funny Presidential Quotes

Presidents Day is a time of solemn reflection on our nation’s highest elected office. It’s also a great opportunity to marvel at past presidents’ funniest off-the-cuff remarks.

“My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.” – Ronald Reagan, making an off-camera joke. (His microphone was on.)

“If I don t have a woman for three days, I get terrible headaches.” – John F. Kennedy

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln

“You don’t know how to lie. If you can’t lie, you’ll never go anywhere.” – Richard Nixon

“I don’t know whether it’s the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system.” – Bill Clinton, speaking about the White House.

“When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.'” – Theodore Roosevelt

“I am not fit for this office and should never have been here.” – Warren G. Harding

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once asked where his wife Eleanor was. (She was visiting a penitentiary.) Told, “She’s in prison,” he responded, “I’m not surprised. But what for?”

“There is nothing left to do but get drunk.” – Franklin Pierce, (allegedly) responding to what he planned to do after leaving office.

“No man who ever held the office of president would congratulate a friend on obtaining it.” – John Adams

“If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” – Harry S. Truman

“I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.” – Jimmy Carter

“Blessed are the young, for they will inherit the national debt.” – Herbert Hoover

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